Few things fill me with such rage as Edible Arrangements. Literally no one wants a bouquet of creepily die-cut fruit instead of, say, flowers, or green bean casserole (seriously, love it), or an Easter basket.
I get it. You want to say “I love you” but you don’t want to Paula Dean them, y’all. That’s what WINE is for. “But I can’t bring alcohol to my 4yo niece’s turtle-themed birthday party!” you might say. You’d be wrong.
A recent tweet set off similar rage among my fake online friends.
Now, I love watermelon. A lot. One time I ate a half of one in one sitting. (Not my finest moment. Moving on.) That being said, if someone presented me with a watermelon birthday cake, I would probably knock someone out. Birthdays are for cake. Period. Oh, and nonviolence. Birthdays are totally about nonviolence.
I fully respect the efforts of Partnership for a Healthier America (and that video featured on the site of a little girl enjoying an apple is, quite frankly, adorable). As someone looking to make a career out of health advocacy, I get that they’re trying to provide healthy alternatives to parents looking for ways to introduce fruit into a child’s diet. That being said, I’m a strong believer in eating delicious things in moderation. So…let them play tag for an hour and then let them eat cake!